Have you ever tried to change someone else’s mind? Talked and pleaded with them to see a different point of view but in the end failed to get through? There is an old adage that says we have to look at how hard it is to change our own mind before we try to change someone else. I think that’s true and a good place to start.
We see the world in expectations of what is to come. We expect to have certain real-world outcomes with everything we come in contact, also called experiences. These “expected experiences” or expectations, are how we plan the world to work out for us, what we expect to get from the world.
If those expectations are violated then we are disappointed, if they are met then we are content. But if somehow these expectations of our future experiences are exceeded, then we have the phenomenon known as happiness.
My wife is great at this. If it is supposed to be a certain way then it better be that way, or else crushing disappointment follows. For example, if I say I will do the dishes, and then don’t, I have given her a reality that is below what she expected and she is disappointed. If I do the dishes, she got what she expected and is content because reality met her expectations. If I decide to be “Husband of the Year” and do the dishes, vacuum the carpet, give the dogs a bath, AND clean the bathroom on my day off, then she gets more than she expected and since reality exceeded her expectations she experiences happiness. It’s all very simple, but often goes unnoticed.
Definitely something to think about for your own life. If you want to change someone’s life for the better then ask yourself:
- In what ways am I disappointing the one’s I care about? The one’s I love? What are their expectations of me? Are those realistic expectations? Am I even close to meeting the realistic ones?
- How often am I just getting by? If I were to grade my daily behaviors on a 1, 3, or 5 scale then how many would be in the middle? How can I change my efforts from 3 (mediocre, content) to 5 (exceptional, happiness)?
- In my day to day interactions, business and personal, how can I exceed someone else’s expectations?
You have the power to change a life for the better, you just need to find out what their expectations are and learn to go beyond whatever that person expected from reality. It will change their lives and yours.
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