Too often we tell stories without connecting to the larger story. When we do that, the audience is lost in the telling.

They don’t know where the story you are telling right now fits in the larger story. Usually they aren’t sure why this story is really important in the long run.

Audiences must have the context as well as the content, and it is up to the story teller to provide both, explicitly or implicitly.

Have you ever tried to change someone else’s mind?  Talked and pleaded with them to see a different point of view but in the end failed to get through?  There is an old adage that says we have to look at how hard it is to change our own mind before we try to change someone else.  I think that’s true and a good place to start.

We see the world in expectations of what is to come.  We expect to have certain real-world outcomes with everything we come in contact, also called experiences.  These “expected experiences” or expectations, are how we plan the world to work out for us, what we expect to get from the world.

If those expectations are violated then we are disappointed, if they are met then we are content. But if somehow these expectations of our future experiences are exceeded, then we have the phenomenon known as happiness.

My wife is great at this.  If it is supposed to be a certain way then it better be that way, or else crushing disappointment follows.  For example, if I say I will do the dishes, and then don’t, I have given her a reality that is below what she expected and she is disappointed.  If I do the dishes, she got what she expected and is content because reality met her expectations.  If I decide to be “Husband of the Year” and do the dishes, vacuum the carpet, give the dogs a bath, AND clean the bathroom on my day off, then she gets more than she expected and since reality exceeded her expectations she experiences happiness.   It’s all very simple, but often goes unnoticed.

Definitely something to think about for your own life.  If you want to change someone’s life for the better then ask yourself:

• In what ways am I disappointing the one’s I care about?  The one’s I love? What are their expectations of me?  Are those realistic expectations?  Am I even close to meeting the realistic ones?
• How often am I just getting by?  If I were to grade my daily behaviors on a 1, 3, or 5 scale then how many would be in the middle?  How can I change my efforts from 3 (mediocre, content) to 5 (exceptional, happiness)?
• In my day to day interactions, business and personal, how can I exceed someone else’s expectations?

You have the power to change a life for the better, you just need to find out what their expectations are and learn to go beyond whatever that person expected from reality.  It will change their lives and yours.

We tell stories because they are about conflict.

One man against nature, or another man (including himself), or against man’s own creations (machines). The good ones always show something to watch out for;  something that might diminish your resources.

Because humans have learned how useful stories can be, we inherently pay attention to them. We want to know when the conflict is coming, where the dangers lie. We simulate them in our heads, putting ourselves in place of the main character, all so that we can truly see what’s coming on the horizon.

Stories are about a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it, and we all can relate to that in one way or another.

What stories are you customer’s telling?  Where are they on their journey?

What stories are you telling?  Where are YOU on your journey?

I recently attended a holiday event with my family, a 2+ mile drive through professionally constructed Christmas lights in Spanaway WA; nice enough for what it was, but it was the advertising that got to me.

Littered throughout the drive were large banner signs for local companies. They were sponsorships the event has sold based on the promise that thousands of people will see the signs and remember the displayed brand at some point in the future, PROBABLY resulting in a sale. It’s the modern form of snake oil…

Honestly, is anyone more likely to buy a newspaper or go to a certain medical facility based on a sign they saw next to a deer made of blinking Christmas lights? Because someone sponsored the event that your family had a decent time at, are you more likely to go enroll at the local technical school or switch to Sprint? Really think about that for a moment, and give yourself an honest answer… would that make a REAL difference to you?

I don’t blame the event, I blame the companies for falling for this. The event is basically trying to do a public service (as far as I know) and raising money for public, family events is always a challenge. They just want the companies to feel like the expense is worth it and everyone wants some recognition. But from a business standpoint, is this the best way to spend your money? I’m not talking about spending on charity or family events, my stance on that should be clear, but rather on unmeasurable advertising.

Look back on your own marketing and advertising expenditures, were they stroking your ego or were they tied to something tangible? Can you measure the results? Did they motivate someone to actually DO something and not just make them aware (or MORE aware) of you?

From Availing Wisdom, July 28, 2009

The soul, or pneuma, of a business is shown in its DNA, the very code that gives it life. A company is very much like a belief system offering values, community, relevance, leadership and vision, empathy, and trust to the body of customers (see believers) that buy (see follow) its product(s) (see values). People are looking for companies and brands that they can believe in, belong to, and that spark the right emotions that connect them to something greater than themselves.

On the other side, Companies run and survive on connections, on interactions with people. Without a sufficient quantity of quality interactions, the company will die. These connections are the life blood of the organization, the only way to make it survive.

The average corporation is 20 to 30 years old but most don’t make it to the age of 5, and many die in their infancy. If corporations are treated as people then what does this mean, how do we create corporations that last? A company survives based on the number and quality of its relationships to people, no company is an island and it cannot live alone. These relationships are the fuel, the life blood, the sustaining force.

The Company’s character determines its value to customers and how it communicates that value, the quality of the connections it can establish, determines how long it will stay alive.

Do you see it this way?  Do you think it’s fair to treat companies as people in this manner?

Written 7/22/09 from Availing Wisdom

*The Names of the Following have been changed to protect the innocent… but mostly the guilty*

It occurred to me the other day as I was merrily strolling to work that if we view the company as a person, as a real entity, then something must give it life.  Almost as if God were sending me an object lesson, my next stop showed me exactly what I needed to know.

On a whim I decided to stop in at a local industrial firm that happens to be on my way to work.  We’ll call them ABC Electric.  I have always been curious as to what they actually do since the name is so generic and I haven’t seen any literature about them.   The building stands on an intersection and looks like your typical concrete building constructed in the 70’s and refurbished to become a headquarters.  The front lobby was not well marked, unannounced visitors a rarity I surmised, but eventually I found my way to a pair of opaque glass doors.

I walked in to a very plain front room with white tiled floor and gray walls.  Front and center was a fairly unpleasant looking woman, not because of her natural looks, but due rather to the intense scrunching of her face.  I could only assume this was my fault or that she just ate something unpleasant for lunch.  I walked up to the over sized airport terminal-like desk and asked in my friendliest voice what her company did exactly.  She stared at me for a beat and asked:
“I’m sorry…Do you have an appointment?”

I told her I didn’t, that I just stopped by to see what this company was about because I have always wondered.  She stopped a beat again, almost as if she weren’t able to comprehend what I was saying.

“We can’t really help you, if you want to make an appointment then we could do that.”

I was flabbergasted.  I tried three more times to no avail and left the office with a feeling of utter defeat.  But it got me thinking about connections and companies and life cycles.  Obviously that business is still around, concrete building and all, but how long can it last in a market that demands personal connections?

Start Ups fail because they can’t get the blood flowing, or enough of the good blood rather.  The “blood flow” represents the connections they make with customers, and those can be tenuous at best.  Once the quality connections run out then the business dies.  Quality connections with customers are the blood of a business.

But an organization like this has passed the opening stages and moved on to a new cycle where they are even more equipped to capitalize on any connection, or they should be at least.  Your next contact could be worth a million dollars, but you have to have your touch points aligned with your values or that contact will be wasted.  I still don’t know what ABC Electric does, but if they would have spent just 5 minutes showing me, you can bet at that point I would have been an evangelist or at least a referral.

Makes you wonder how many opportunities they’ve missed already.  How many are you missing by not being prepared?

… and you would never know!

Because once you found your personal values and you can successfully tell a few stories about each one, then what do you do with them?  How can you use them to guide and determine your steps deliberately? That is exactly what we’ll be going over this week.

I am also looking for thoughts and ideas on applying values to work, business, and life.  Did the steps I laid out last week work for you?  What do you think would be the best way to apply those values?  Do you even think values are important?

The end of week two and we are on a roll.  We discussed some very useful ways to find your personal values, steps you can take to discover how you can consistently and reliably make decisions.  Next week we will talk about how to translate those personal steps into business success.

Insights from this week:

1. Your values will drive your personal and business success.

2. Translating the power of giving to your organization.

3. Some easy steps to find your personal values.

Some Interesting Thoughts and Sites:

1. A great article from Andrea Patrick about building rapport with your clients.

2. Awesome post from Future Buzz about the currency of fresh conversations.

3. Interesting and thoughtful infographics from Web Design Ledger.

4. How to treat your home page as the Ultimate Landing Page!

5. Some helpful information about direct response copy.

Something extra!

Another small but powerful insight from Seth Godin; move past the drama!

Thanks to all of you who read this, back next week to discuss the benefits of values in your organization and how to apply personal values to your business!

Values determine whether you succeed or fail, what will yours be?

Both individually and as an organization, values drive the decisions we make every day and shape how we deal with whatever comes our way. You will achieve the greatest successes when you partner with a person or organization that has the same values as you.

The choice we have is whether we actively create our values, recognizing them for what they are, or passively allow them to motivate us.  The difference is that knowing your values and actively following them makes you both consistent and credible, two major components of gaining trust in others.

Here are some steps you can take to find and follow your values:

1.   Your morality – This is what most people think of when they hear “values” but it is only a component.  Things like honesty, integrity, and fairness are just assumed nowadays, and you won’t get very far without them.  You need to have a strong moral base, but then again so does everyone else if they expect to do business for any length of time.

Basic morals do not differentiate or set you apart, they are the price of admission.  Make sure you know them and live by them or you will have a bumpy ride through life.

2.   Find your strengths – Your strengths are where your natural talents, skill sets, and knowledge bases converge.

Talents are what you are naturally adept at, ways of doing things that you just get and know how to do such as: creating and understanding ideas, communicating one on one or in groups, competition, or analytic breakdowns.

Skill sets are applications of knowledge that you have learned to do better than 90% of the people you know. Some examples would be repairing electronics, creating web pages, or tutoring children.

Knowledge bases are areas of information that you know better than 90% of the world.  Maybe you know all about aviation, or plumbing, or local history, or even marketing.  These areas are your expertise.

A fantastic resource for this is Now, Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton. (Full Disclosure: This is a sponsored link)

3.   Giftings – Christianity has a list of special callings that people receive, and I believe that people are born with them whether they choose to be a Christian or believe in God at all.  Regardless of whether you believe or not, finding your natural gift will help you to understand yourself and your organization.

Are you a teacher (someone who wants others to understand), a “preacher” (someone who must talk to others and tell them what they know), a counselor (someone who wants to emotionally help others), a giver (someone who loves to give and see people succeed through that), an encourager (someone who sees the best in others), a leader (someone who sees the right road to take and pulls people in that direction), an administrator (someone who loves the details and supporting other people)?

4.   Desires and Beliefs – What do you know absolutely to be true? (Beliefs)  What do you want or wish to be true? (Desires) Finding these answers takes some serious introspection but your desires and beliefs will determine your actions just as readily as any of the other areas.

Now comes the hard part you’ve been waiting for…

Create a list of answers for each of the items above: morals, strengths, gifts, and beliefs/desires.  Separate them into the four categories and use as many words as you have to in each answer, just be sure you understand what you mean.

Next, determine which ones truly drive your life and decision making.  Eliminate those that do not.

Now, can you combine any of the answers? Are some saying the same thing?  Consolidate all the answers that you can, looking for ideas that are similar or close to one another.

Go back through the list if it still has more than 6 answers left, which ones are the MOST important?  Get the list down to the 6 key drivers for your decisions.

This next part is harder than it sounds, so be patient.  Take your 6 or fewer answers and find one word for each that encapsulates the entire answer.  (e.g. “I really enjoy helping others succeed” would be giving or counseling or leading or serving depending on the context.  Only you know the true answer.)

This last step is VERY important. Take one answer and explain it to yourself by telling at least 2 stories about a time when it truly guided your decision making process.  Be as detailed and thorough as possible.  If you have trouble thinking of 2 or more examples then the answer is probably not the right one.

Once you find your values and can articulate them, you are ready to start actively living them. Your business will work best with another business that has and lives the same values as you, which is why it is extremely important to understand what you value first.

There is so much more to this topic, but we have a start here.  I’ll leave you with this:

Values are how you do things, your “passion” is what you choose to apply your values to, and your purpose is where all your values and your strongest passions exist in harmony.

Short Post today, working on a longer one for tomorrow.

I found a great book on www.chrisbrogan.com called The Power of Giving that basically talks about the main themes I try to espouse here.

Giving to others will enrich you in more ways than you know and this book goes into detail about how that works.

Look at it and tell me what you think.

Tomorrow we can talk about how exactly to find your values as a company and start consciously living those out everyday!